Exploring the journey from 'you can have it all' to finding peace with life's inherent limitations. A personal reflection on redefining success, discovering authentic values, and embracing our beautifully finite human experience.
How Do I Make Peace with the Fact That I'll Never Be Everything I Wanted to Be?
I've been sitting with this question lately, turning it over and over like a stone worn smooth by water. It feels particularly heavy as someone who spent decades immersed in new-age teachings that promised unlimited potential—YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!
I no longer believe this to be true. And letting go of that belief has been both devastating and strangely liberating.
Like many drawn to these teachings, I used to resist acknowledging our limitations with every fiber of my being. My tagline was literally "no limits, just love," for goodness' sake. But here's what I've come to understand: there are very real constraints on resources, energy, and time. The human experience is inherently finite. (Hello, death, have we heard of it?)
It's this denial of limits that has us over-consuming, pillaging our earth, and perpetuating an inhumane wealth gap. We're chasing an impossible everything while destroying the precious something we already have.
There will always be roads not taken—that's unavoidable. But what I'm learning is that what matters more than being everything I wanted to be is living a life in integrity with what I truly care about. This requires taking time to get really clear on what my values actually are, versus ideas handed down to me. I've found this requires intentionality, self-awareness, unpacking... and to be honest, a whole lot of humility in admitting where I haven't lived up to these values. This first step of making change is uncomfortable and not particularly fun, but the end result—feeling good in your soul—is worth it.
I've discovered that many of my identity desires were planted by a society that holds a very limited view of what makes a human valuable (especially today in America, where I'm from). We're told success means being the best, the brightest, the most productive, the most accomplished. But what if we're asking ourselves the wrong questions entirely?
When I separate the wheat from the chaff and get honest with myself about who I actually want to be, it's really quite simple: I want to be someone who has her feet firmly planted in the soil of the earth but never forgets to call upon her artful imagination. Someone who understands her connectedness to others and to the earth that is her home. I want to live in the question, actively practice open-mindedness, and consider as often as possible the far-reaching effects that my actions (or inactions) have on others. I want to focus on what's meaningful to me and do what I can to leave the world better than I found it. I want to respect myself and others, prioritize deep relationships, and love as deeply as I can muster.
Who I want to be is evolving all the time, and I know there's no way I can live up to these values consistently because I'm a deeply fallible and messy human. We all are, and there's no getting around that. But that doesn't matter if I just do the best I can each day. And even when I fall short, I choose to give myself grace, which I can then extend to others (also part of who I want to be).
This question of not being everything one wants to be seems to be more about not doing everything one wants to do. The truth is that who we are isn't really about what we do (although it absolutely involves taking simple daily actions that align with who we want to be). Who we are is a choice we have the freedom to make every single day of our lives.
As I continue to explore this territory of limitation and possibility, here are some questions I'm sitting with—perhaps you'd like to explore them too:
- What if our limitations aren't barriers to overcome, but boundaries that give our lives shape and meaning? Like a river needs its banks to flow, what if we need our limits to truly flourish?
- When you strip away society's expectations and the endless parade of "shoulds," what essential qualities remain at the core of who you want to be?
- How might embracing our finite nature actually deepen our capacity for joy, presence, and meaningful connection?
- What dreams or aspirations might you need to consciously release to make space for what matters most to you?
If you knew you could never be "everything," but you could be deeply, authentically yourself—what would that look like?
Maybe the peace we seek doesn't come from expanding our possibilities endlessly, but from choosing consciously and loving deeply within the beautiful constraints of being human. Maybe it's not about being everything, but about being enough—exactly as we are, in all our messy, limited, wonderful humanity.
What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on navigating this territory between boundless dreams and beautiful limitations
